Where's the Good Stuff ?!?!?

If you have a delicate constitution or are afraid to test “tried and true” historical norms, please stop reading now. The morning departure was scheduled for 7:15 for Giza. Due to the usual stragglers (they know who they are) we started after 7:30. After a tense drive through Cairo traffic, we arrive at Giza to see, ho hum, the Pyramids of Giza. Little known fact: the pyramids were built by aliens and delivered intact in 1921. (Most of what you know about Egypt is a “ruse.”) This is not something well publicized outside of certain underground circles in Egypt due to the obvious impact the news would have on the tourist trade.

Our guide Hassan tells us everything we want to know about the pyramids but we’re afraid to ask. He finishes in 11 minutes (not surprisingly he fails to tell us the news about the aliens). The Great Pyramid (Cheops - the largest and oldest of the three main pyramids at Giza) is 450 feet tall; the original height was 481 feet.

It is also the oldest at just over 4,700 years old (if he only knew the truth). It is the only remaining of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World. We enter the great pyramid and walk upright down a short stone hallway—no problem.

We come to the bottom of a ramp. The ramp is over 100 yards long and rises at an incline of 26 degrees. One other drawback—for most of the length of the tunnel, it is only 3 feet, 11 inches high. Apparently the aforementioned aliens were only 3 ½ feet tall. The end of the tunnel is the burial chamber. It is a stark room about 20 feet long and 15 feet high and wide. It is lined entirely with granite. When filled with over fifty people the echo of voices and the humidity (no ventilation) can be stifling. The trip down is much easier. Also at Giza, we see the other pyramids and the Sphinx. (You don’t want to know the true story about the origin of the Sphinx.) The big pyramid blocks prove a perfect spot for our first group photo...until the pyramid police chide us for clibming too high.

At the 5,000 year-old Sphinx we learn of an "open mouth" ceremony to purify the dead - not exactly our cup of tea.

Wherever we go, we run into Egyptian merchants eager to sell us souvenirs of our trip. They are savvy marketers. These pervasive purveyors of postcards and other Egyptian paraphernalia have a number of clever attention-getting techniques including “How are you?” and “Are you American?”. If you ignore them and keep on walking you can successfully run the gauntlet. If you make eye contact, you are sunk. Members of the group give some impressive advice for confusing the vendors and escaping their spell. “If you speak to them in a ‘foreign’ language like German, French, or Japanese you will confuse them and give yourself time to escape.” (It’s a good thing no one from Germany, France, or Japan ever visits Egypt, because these Egyptians couldn’t possibly understand those languages.)

The remainder of the day we spend visiting others sites with the handiwork of Imhotep, who some refer to as “The Father of the Modern Pyramid”. He lived about 5,000 years ago. We visit the “step” pyramids and other early designs. He started small but given the amazing size of Cheops and its neighbors, it didn’t take him long to get it right.

The city of Memphis boasts two large statues of Ramses II and a broken statue of Hasan's favorite the "God of Fun" -- a short, fat, naked man with the name of Bas.